Week 3 - I thought I was tired of Tony Horton, but Debbie Siebers is an evil mastermind

So I'm definitely starting to feel like all this working out might start working for me again. I've added in an additional cardio workout on some days along with doing P90X lean. It's another program called Slim in 6. For some reason, I always think that the Si6 workout won't be as hard as the X one. Perhaps because the X is so heavily emphasized as one of the hardest workouts, it seems like anything else would be a cake walk. And Debbie Siebers with her cute little body and big, welcoming smile and moves that look pretty easy - well, she can't be that bad, right? I don't know how I always manage to forget just how much cardio those workouts are. They LOOK easy. It doesn't seem that my heart-rate should be as high for the moves that seem so simple, but in reality - she's kicking my ass. And my sides. And my abs. As is evident from the body soreness that follows in the days after. I like the soreness - because it means I actually worked hard, but in the moment - I kind of want to punch her in her smiling face.

My diet is gradually getting better and better. I've had my meals prepared ahead of time all week long. There's just a couple more things that I need to filter out, which will happen as I run out of supply of them. My struggle this week (and always) is looking at other people's results and being insanely jealous. Why can't I be where they are right now? Well, it takes time. It sucks, but that's just the way it is. People with rockin' bodies didn't get them in 4 weeks. You have to get there by several months and maybe years of commitment to a goal and focus on getting it. I didn't go from eating fatty and fast foods often to eating high fiber, low calorie stuff in one day. I used to be able to down a 20-piece chicken Mcnugget and a large fry in one sitting, no joke. Now - a six piece and medium fry would be plenty. It took steps to get to this point. So I'm still taking the steps it will take to get me to the next level in my fitness. So you can't beat yourself up if you missed a workout, or if you allowed yourself that hamburger. My diet is not going to be 100% perfect as of tomorrow - but it's definitely something I can keep working on as I push toward my goal.

Week 2 - If this were my job, I'd be both rich and skinny by now

Well, my goal for week 2 was an epic fail. I did not have all my meals prepared the night before which led to me scrambling in the morning to quickly throw together something suitable for breakfast and lunch. I'm going to have to work on that.
As far as working out everyday...well, almost but not quite. Technically, friday should be my rest or stretch day. This week - I was just not feeling wednesday. Could not motivate myself to do anything at all, so I agreed with myself to take it as a rest day, finish the workouts on thursday and friday and just start the next week on saturday. In essence - I moved my rest day up. Well, thursday rolled around and - bam - severe pain in my lower, right back. If anyone has ever had a kidney infection (I have) it felt EXACTLY like that. And since I had been battling symptoms of a urinary tract inection all week, a kidney infection would've made a lot of sense. Now - I do not have insurance and thusly avoid going to the doctor at all costs. This incapacitating pain had me laying in bed on my left side and chugging water and cranberry juice like there was no tomorrow.
So - happily - I am feeling much better today. I don't know what that was but I think if it was an actual kidney infection, the pain would not have gone away so quickly. I am putting aside the fact that I missed two days in a row of working out and drank my own body weight in high calorie cranberry juice. It was 100% juice, which is good - but that does not negate the fact that juices are high in sugar. Albeit natural sugar, but sugar none-the-less. But sometimes ish happens, and I'd honestly rather not lose a pound this week than land myself in the hospital with a ginormous bill.
I saw the new informercial for P90X this morning. These infomercials serve both to piss me off and motivate me. How come all those people got their results in 90 days? How come I have to do round two to look halfway as good? WHY HAVE I BEEN DIETING AND WORKING OUT FOR TEN YEARS AND AM STILL NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE?!>!@*#^&#$((@??? So yes, it's very frustrating. But I will keep trucking on and trying harder. The goal for the upcoming week: 100% clean eating on weekdays and putting more energy into my workouts. I know from experience that the weight loss is truly gonna come from my diet, so I need to get that ish together barring any unforseen organ infections next week.
It's always hard for me to realize how much I have done. I'm wearing a pair of old pants today that have gotten too big just so that I'm in something loose and not irritating my bladder, kidney or anything else that has been given me trouble. They are seriously loose, large and unflattering - but comfortable. Next best thing to sweatpants for a workday. It should make me happy that these pants that once fit, are now practically falling off of me - but all I can think is that I'm exaggerating my progress. "Did these pants ever fit? Or where they big when I bought them?" I don't think I'll be happy until I'm like Jared from Subway and put old pants on and they fall down to my ankles.
I'm so jealous of famous people like Beyonce and Britney who get paid to be fit. It's structured into their work day. I wish I got paid to just work out and look good. That'd be sweet!

Week 1 Back On The Workout Wagon: I Sincerely Don't Want To Do This

So, after several false starts - I've finally managed to get through a full week (well almost - full week tomorrow) of my 2nd round of P90X. I realize now how much easier it is to do this when you just stick with a routine. When I had my workout & diet routine going - it was a lot easier to stick with it and not cheat. Going off of it and trying to get back on - not so easy. So for this first week, I eased my way back into it. It's always so tempting to go full throttle right away. "I'm gonna have a perfect diet! I'm gonna work out every day, twice! I'm not gonna cheat ever!" These are all great goals, but going straight into all of this at once can be overwhelming. I thought since I had done all of these things before, I should be able to fall right back into it. Wrong. It's almost as though I'm starting from scratch. So, while I am mostly back to my diet of eating from the top two tiers of Michi's ladder - I did allow myself a few cheats this week. My main goal for this week was - do a workout everyday. Every other day - I was fine, but those days in between... I laid in my bed or huddled on the couch, freezing and complaining to myself: I sincerely do not want to work out right now. However - the goal this week was a workout a day, so I would just somehow convince myself to get up. What worked the best for this week was the thought that once I started working out, I wouldn't be freezing anymore.

I also bought a new pair of jeans that are too small. For as long as I can remember, I've had clothes lying around that I purchased becaused I liked them - but they didn't have my size, or I figured I'd be able to squeeze into them eventually. Well, as of Novermber - I fit into all of those clothes. I think that's part of why I lost some motivation. Now, with a shiny new pair of Lucky Brand Jeans hanging in my closet just staring me down everyday - it's a little bit easier to get up and do cardio, or resist that piece of chocolate cake.

Each week, I'll set a new goal and carry over all of the goals from the previous weeks. I think next week's goal will be having all of my meals prepared the night before work - so I don't have to worry about buying breakfast or lunch. I am not a morning person in the slightest, so I really have to have breakfast and lunch ready to go the night before. Because given the choice between more sleep and fixing breakfast - I will always choose sleep.

It still feels unfair that I've come so far and yet still have so far to go. Especially when some people are just born thin. I mean wtf is that? That's the way it goes, I guess :-/