Focus

Something occurred to me during today's workout. I took a break from regimented workouts over the summer which means I haven't seriously lifted weights since, hmmm... March? Lifting weights is ESSENTIAL to weight loss. Lifting builds muscle, muscle burns fat - even when you're just chillin', the more muscle you have, the more fat you will burn. But that's not all lifting weights does for you. It also makes you strong. I remember finishing my second round of P90X and how strong I felt. I felt like I could move mountains or hold my own if some creeper tried to mug me. It was this great sense of fitness and power.

Now, I'm just starting to lift again and I'm really upset at myself for waiting so long to get back to it. My strength level is not where it was at the end of my last round of the X. The good news is, I know from experience that it will come back quicker than it took me to build up. I'm not at the level I left off at yet, but I will get there pretty soon and hopefully surpass it. What I realized is this - I think I need to change my focus.

I spend so much time worrying about why I'm not losing any more weight and what I need to do to lose it. The reality is that figuring that situation out is gonna take a while. Any new thing I try will take at least a few weeks to show if it's working or not and if I'm stressing out over that entire time, I'll just be miserable. My workout tonight was actually fun. I did a HIIT from Turbo Fire and some lifting from P90X. If I just focus on enjoying my workouts and giving it the best I have, at the very least I'll just continue to get more fit. Being fit and feeling fit makes me feel good and EVENTUALLY that fitness has to lead to the weight coming off.

Thankfully, we're entering the cooler months and I don't need to worry about showing skin. It's the perfect time to relax my attitude (not relaxing the workouts). I can still bust my butt and work super hard, but I don't need to worry quite as much about seeing those ab muscles just yet. I have quite some time before they need to be seen by others. I really want to focus on getting in the best shape that I can and let the weight loss come as a result of that.

If anyone has not signed up to join my September fitness challenge, you must do it now! You don't want to be that person making resolutions YET AGAIN on 1.01.11. Why wait? Why not have the body you want BEFORE the new year rolls in? You have nothing to lose but the weight!
Click Here To Join The Fitness Challenge!

Trust Me - It Ain't Worth It

So far, I have done three programs and gotten a few supplements from BeachBody.com. I ordered all of my workout programs, Slim in 6, P90X and Insanity directly from the website. I paid full price for them, got my deliveries within a week of ordering with everything that I needed for each workout. My DVDs are all functional and have given me no trouble. Were some of the things I got a little pricey? Yes. Absolutely. But to me - it's worth it. Losing weight is a big priority for me, so I'm willing to make investments where needed. I literally had to save up money from a couple of paychecks to get some stuff - but I haven't been disappointed. I like getting the full fitness and nutrition guide books and also having the support of Beach Body.

I can totally understand and appreciate that there are some people out there who are not willing to make the same kind of investment. Some of the programs may be a little more than you can/are willing to invest in at this time. Now, my intent is not to offend ANYONE. But as per usual, if you take offense to what I say - then you're taking that on yourself, and you probably wouldn't be offended if I wasn't right - so that's really your issue. But just let me explain what could happen if you decide to go twenty bucks cheaper and get the programs somewhere else.

If you find it cheaper than the Beach Body website, it's illegal. Period. Amazon is licensed to sell Beach Body products, but it's more expensive there AND does not carry the Beach Body guarantees. DVD skipping? Take it up with Amazon. 90 day money back guarantee? Amazon doesn't offer that. Bought it from an Amazon e-store or e-bay? You're screwed - neither Amazon nor Beach Body can help you.

I'm not sure who else is a licensed retailer, but rest assured if it's cheaper - it's not licensed. Yes, they are very good copies. They look just like the real thing. If they can duplicate an iphone that's not really an iphone, I'm sure that DVDs and books are not really a big challenge. And perhaps the pirated copy you receive will work fine, I can't really say. I'm just saying that I have heard TONS of complaints from people who received a faulty product that they could not return or get help with because they decided to risk problems buying an illegal copy. Now which one of us wasted their money? Honestly, I'll pay the extra bucks just to know that A)my DVDs won't skip or be missing B)if they do, they'll be replaced and C)my products will stand the test of time and I can re-use them.

I just find it baffling how many people say they care about their fitness and really wanna lose weight, but "oh, I can't afford that". Really? Cuz I certainly saw you afford that last cheesesteak and fries you ate and that night out at the bar. If you stopped spending so much money on being un-healthy, you'd have plenty left over to get fit. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I work too hard to sugar coat it for you. If you wanna get fit, you'll do it. If you don't, you'll make excuses.

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Week 13 - Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

"Thanks For The Memories"
So, this week brings us to the end of my P90X, round two journey. THANK GOD. I'm pretty sick of Tony Horton at this point, and I'm quite ready for a change of scenery. I just wanted to take a second and thank everyone who's been following along and encouraging me over the past couple months. I can't believe it's gone by so quickly. I think the greatest thing I've gained his year is my attitude towards weight loss. As you can tell, I work my butt off to get where I'm going. It does seem like I should have more impressive results to show for what I've done - but the thing is, I know I'm giving as much as I possibly can. I don't know why other people do less and see more - and that's not for me to answer. All I can do is my absolute best, and that's what I strive for. The point is - I've made progress, and I can recognize that.

I do want to mention that for anyone is thinking about trying P90X, it is do-able. It's difficult and challenging, but it's rewarding as well. Most people I have seen do have really killer results. Especially if you're someone who doesn't work out much as it is. I think the fact that I already worked out very regularly before I started could be why my results weren't as drastic, but whatever - it got the scale and the tape measurer to move which is something I wasn't accomplishing on my own. I definitely think my diet for this year is what really made the difference. I feel as if my pictures don't do me justice. Even when my coach saw me in person, she said "wow - you look really fit!" Maybe the stats tell the story a little better - cuz seriously guys, my muffin top is CONSIDERABLY smaller than it used to be and I'm not sure you can tell that in the pics.

I started the Insanity program today. Judging from the fit test, if this program doesn't get the last pounds off of me, then I was just meant to be fat, cuz holy man - was it tough! I will continue blogging about my Insanity experience and I'll tag anyone who seems interested or who requests to be :)

So here are my starting and ending stats and pics from both rounds of the X. Thanks again, and I'm confident that by the end of Insanity, the muffin top will be completely demolished!

P90X Fit Test Results: The fit test is the very first thing you do before you start the program. You do it again at the end to see how you've improved.

Resting Heart Rate
Day 0: 80 beats per minute
Day 180: 76 bpm
(this is good, it means my heart doesn't have to work as hard as it used to doing nothing)

Pull-ups
Day 0: 0
Day 180: 3 (technically, they were chin-ups but I'll take it)

Vertical Leap (jumping up without gathering momentum)
Day 0: 10.5"
Day 180: 12.5"

Push-ups
Day 0: 18
Day 180: 27

Toe-touch
Day 0: 0" past toes
Day 180: 2.25" past toes

Wall Squat
Day 0: 1min 35sec
Day 180: 2min 25sec

Bicep curls
Day 0: 8lbs 50 curls
Day 180: 12.5lbs 34 curls

In & Outs (sitting on ground, bringing your knees in to your chest then back out)
Day 0: 51
Day 180: 82

Measurements:
Weight
Day 0: 150 lbs.
Day 180: 143 lbs.

Bust
Day 0: 35
Day 180: 34

Waist
Day 0: 31
Day 180: 29

Muffin Top
Day 0: 37.25
Day 180: 34.25

Hips
Day 0: 38.5
Day 180: 36.25

Thighs
Day 0: 24
Day 180: 22

Arms
Day 0: 11
Day 180: 11

Week 12 - omg, I'm ENORMOUS!

*Disclaimer: This post talks heavily about woman troubles. Men, if you're sensitive to that kind of thing - you've been warned.*

So I started this week off really good. I had a really positive attitude. I was sure that my week ending blog was going to be on how happy I am with my results. I got into my goal jeans 2 weeks before my deadline. I remember how putting my hands on my hips felt different because there was significantly less flab there. I'm starting to win my battle with my massive thighs - I can even look at them in the mirror and consider them thinner. When I feel my legs, I feel the muscle and a lot less flab. It felt like I was finally making progress!

Then - it hit, my monthly gift from mother nature. Now I have to say - I used to not have too much trouble in this dept. I had one day of mild cramps that could be cured with midol and I was good to go. Those mild cramps turned into severe cramps that could be dulled with midol and cardio. That then turned into 2 days of cramping....then one day of nausea plus one day of cramps. This week: 4 days of nausea - I felt like I had to throw up all day long kind of nausea and 2 days of why-do-women-have-children-if-it-hurts-worse-than-this cramping. Midol did nothing to help.

In addition to this, I also incorporated Shakeology into my diet this week. It's a meal replacement mix that you're supposed to take once a day. I was trying to experiment with different things I could mix it with this week so I was having two a day. And on top of that - I'm trying to reduce my carb intake. I did not realize until I tried to reduce them what a carb monster I am. Especially on my period. Now - because I had two meal replacement shakes a day, that brought my calorie count down a little bit. But because I binged on every carb in sight when my period struck - that brought it back up. So, while I didn't really exceed my daily calorie allowance by too much - many of those calories came from potato chips, chocolate and golden double stuff oreos - OH MY GOD they are so good!!! They are seriously like crack, I can't stay away! Ahhh! I did manage to get my daily workouts in, though I fell a day behind due to curling up in bed in the fetal position on the first day the nausea hit.

And all this week, I felt like I looked HUGE! Even on the days that I was wearing my most recent pairs of goal jeans, i.e. the smallest jeans I own. My belly in the mirror just looked massive. And bellies have nothing to do with period bloat. I'm talking a huge gut. "How do I manage to stuff this body into a size 6 and size S workout pants? That can't be right. My belly is gigantic!!!" The GOOD thing is that I've been in training. I've been working on myself and my attitude over these past 12 weeks. And so, even while I thought these things - I was able to tell myself "think about how ridiculous what you're thinking is. You're WEARING a size small right now. You did not gain a pound in a day. Or 2 days. One pound =3,500 calories and even with chip bingeing you've had far less than half of that today. Stop being crazy." And so that's what I did. I banished all negative thoughts to the "you're on your period and not thinking clearly" bin and continued on with my week.

I don't know what the results of my bingeing mishaps will be. But I'm not gonna beat myself up. I won't say "hey - it's totally ok, you were on your period!" because that's just an excuse. I really could've resisted if I planned better and exercised my willpower. But it's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to live and learn. This is a lifestyle change and not a timed race. If you trip, you just get back up and keep going. One more week on the X...then we bring on the Insanity!

Week 11 - The Process and the Progress Continue

Well guys, it's been a really good March for me. I've managed to convince myself (or at least work on convincing myself) not to focus on weekly weigh ins and not to be discouraged when I don't see immediate progress. I feel better about that.

As I mentioned, I kind of upped my calories last week - well I tried. This week, I did the opposite. I did not do double workouts at all this week. I in fact forced myself to stay home from the gym and only do my at-home workouts. I'm trying to see if I was overdoing it by doing a double workout EVERY day. Because I subtracted an entire cardio workout, I also subtracted some calories. I don't do weigh in until Saturday morning, but here's this week's story:

Most of my jeans are from Lucky Brand. I used to work there and grew an addiction to their jeans. Different styles fit differently, and so I have jeans that range in size from 6 to 10 all fitting the same body. Well, I bought one pair imparticular in December that were a size 6 ... and I do wear some 6's, but these would not come past my thighs. It just wasn't happening. (I shake my fist at you, thighs!) This morning, I woke up and just thought "I can get into those jeans today." I don't know how I knew, I just knew. I had just tried these jeans on maybe a week ago - and they were pretty close to fitting, but not quite - if I actually wanted to you know, breathe and walk and stuff. So - I tried them on and viola! They fit. So without a weigh in and without measuring, I've got my progress for the week.

I was in Express the other day trying on "business" clothes for job interviews. When the salesgirl offered to get me another color of the skirt I was trying, she said "what size?" I said "size 6." With a period, and not a question mark. Usually I don't know if I can fit the size I want to be in. It still feels weird for me - this is the smallest I've ever been. And I don't use Lucky Brand sizing as bible, because I know their sizing is just strange. Aside from their jeans, everything is made to fit loose. I mean, I wear an XS in their sweatpants and those are baggy - so I can't use that store as an indication. But I was wearing a size small shirt and a size 6 skirt, and they fit. They didn't "almost" fit or "kinda" fit. They fit. And I bought the outfit.

This is one of my dangerous phases. It's where I reach a point that I'm happy and would usually stop trying as hard. Until I get to a point that I'm unhappy again and pick it back up. I'm not going to do that now. I know ultimately where I'm trying to get, and I don't want to get de-railed by my small accomplishments. I've come a long way, but there's still work to do.

Size 6? In December


Size 6 in March

Personal Best!

I did not feel like working out tonight. I felt tired and stressed and bloated and I really just wanted to curl up in bed and watch TV. So I hemmed and hawed and procrastinated, but I finally got my butt out the door and to the gym.

I've been working on improving my cardio-vascular endurance. It's one of my weaker points and I'm especially trying to prep to start Insanity. There's a couple ways to work on your endurance - the method I'm going with is just trying to jog/run for long periods of time without breaks. I remember the first time I managed a 15 minute jog without stopping. At the time, it was the longest I'd gone actally jogging and not stopping and it was AWESOME. More recently, I've been able to get up to 25 and 30 minutes of continuous jogging with no breaks. Improvement is happening.

So tonight, I figured I'd just do a half hour on the treadmill and then a half on the elliptical. The elliptical is way easier and I don't count it towards endurance because it's too easy to vary speed. I do ten minutes of walking on an incline as a warm-up, then bring the incline down to 2.0 and jog at around 5.0 speed, increasing by 0.1 every 5 minutes. The last 5 minutes I go up by 0.2 every minute so I end with a "kick". Knowing I was doing less than my usual 45 minutes - I started the jog at 5.3. By the time I hit 29 minutes and 5.6 speed, I felt really good. I decided to keep going and upped the time to 45 minutes. Well, at 44 minutes and 5.9 speed, I thought "How awesome would it be if I could make it to 60?" So that's what I did. At 45 minutes, I upped the speed to 6.0, at 50 minutes to 6.1, at 55 minutes to 6.2 and knowing that I've done a kick of at least 7.0 before - at 55 minutes I started upping the speed in increments of 0.1 every 30 seconds. In the 59th minute, I upped it every 20 seconds.



I didn't stop or slow down once in the entire hour! I started running at a 5.3 and ended the run at 7.2! This is a new personal best for me. The fastest and longest I've EVER run. And that includes doing the mile run in high school. I'm kind of in shock and disbelief. Like, I don't know if I could do that again. I don't know how I did it in the first place! I'm hoping I can be consistent, and of course get better. So maybe I'll make it past day one of Insanity.

Week 9 - Look at Yourself Through Someone Else's Eyes

I am the epitome of "Do as I say, not as I do". I am great at dishing out advice that I know I should follow too, but I'm not always good at it. Granted - I do usually have reason. I can mostly give good advice because I've been there, done that. While it does also apply to me, I've also been following said advice for much longer and have been waiting much longer for a result that usually comes quicker to most people.

I am very frustrated with my weight loss progress in general. I'm not talking about since I started this weekly blog, I mean since I started losing weight at age 18. I see other people's pictures and see what they look like after 90 days on P90X, and quite frankly it pisses me off. Here's this person who has neglected their body and in 90 days they get abs? In 90 days?! I've been working out for over ten years AND have done 150 days of that same program and got no where close to the results they got. W.T.F.?!! I honestly don't get it. My argument is not that change isn't happening, my argument is that it is happening far too slowly when you look at what I'm doing to reach my goal and the changes I've made. I'm basically doing all I can: really clean eating, calorie consideration, double workouts, working out 6 days a week, supplements...I don't know what else I can do. Except wait. That seems to be the only thing left to do is just wait for something to start working. Why does it take me literally 3x as long to reach the same result as someone who has not put in nearly as much effort? I really don't know, but I am working on figuring it out.

One day this week, I was feeling particularly bummed. I looked at the 90 day transformation of a woman who started bigger than me and ended with defined, awesome abs. In 90 days. It was so upsetting to see it happen for someone else, and not me. I had put in the work, I didn't skip workouts, I followed the diet - why didn't my results look like that? Had I made any progress at all? Losing 1/2 a pant size in 150 days isn't good enough for me. I'm sorry, but that's just too much damn effort for 1/2 pant size. I went over to my friend's house to work on dance choreography. He has a wall of mirrors in his basement that we use to dance in front of. I've been to his house many, many times over the years. He told me I looked smaller, but I didn't so much believe him. I mean - he has no reason to lie, but still -he's my friend. Since he's smaller than me, I had commented once that if I could ever fit his skinny jeans - I'd know I was on my way. He told me I should try them on again and the last thing I wanted to do was squeeze myself into this skinny boy's jeans and feel like even more of a fat ass, but I relented. And wouldn't you know....

They fit. I was pleasantly surprised. We went downstairs to dance and I even looked skinnier in his mirror than I had last time I was there. It was probably just that little boost - a small thing like him saying he could tell I was smaller and me fitting into those jeans, and all of the sudden I looked skinnier to myself.

I try to tell people all the time that we ourselves are so used to seeing our own bodies, that it's tough to tell when change has happened. We see ourselves daily so the day-to-day change is undetectable thus making it hard to tell when bigger change has happened. I still don't love my progress pics. I still don't love that it's taken me two rounds of P90X and will take ???? rounds of Insanity for me to see the results I want. I really don't love that other people can do it with less time and less effort. But that is life. At least change is happening. At least I don't have thyroid issues, or a debilitating disease, or a disability. Yes, it sucks that this process is taking so freaking long - but it could certainly be worse.

I Challenge Myself

So, I am starting Phase 3 of P90X. This phase is 5 weeks long. So far - on this round of the X, I have lost 6 pounds. But really, most of that has come from the change in my eating habits. So for this last phase, I am really trying to "bring it" in the kitchen as well as in the workouts. I'm still kind of trial and erroring with how many calories I should have a day, but we'll see what happens.

Here, for your viewing pleasure and for my accountability is what my meal plan will consist of for the next five weeks. This is my own personal food challenge, but I invite ANYONE to join me if they'd like :) The calorie intake can be anywhere from 1500 to 1700, depending on the number of workouts that day and on how I feel. When my body tells me I'm truly hungry, I listen to it.

My P90X Phase 3 Diet
All food must be from the top two tiers of Michi's ladder
No dairy
No salt
I get one cheat day per week to eat what I want (I wouldn't make it without this)

Pre-Morning Resistance Workout: Banana with almond butter

Post-Morning Workout: Whey protein, blueberries & flaxseed oil
(OR Shakeology if I order it anytime soon)

Breakfast: Scrambled egg whites with spinach, corn, onion and pepper ~ either on tomato, mustard and veggie chicken pattty
OR
on tomato, avocado and whole grain flatbread

Snack: rye crisps with hummus
OR
veggies and hummus
OR
brown rice cakes and peanut butter

Lunch: stir fry veggies, brown rice, black beans, protein (chicken, tuna, salmon)
OR
protein (chicken, tuna, salmon) broccoli or green beans, sweet potato

Snack: brown rice cakes with peanut butter
OR
carrots with peanut butter or hummus

Dinner: salad greens, green pepper, hard boiled egg whites, olives and protein(chicken, tuna, salmon) with fat-free, sugar-free, everything free dressing

Post-Evening Workout: Casein protein with almond milk and strawberries

Quick-Grab Options: whole wheat bagel, oatmeal, veggie burger, peanuts, apple


Well, there it is folks. My food layout for the next 5 weeks. As my coach says, if you fail to plan - you plan to fail. Let me know if you have any questions/suggestions.

www.teambeachbody.com/sweetcharity

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Week 8 - I want a perfect body and I want it now!

This is the sentiment a lot of my friends have been experiencing, myself included. You put in all of this hard work - you look in the mirror - and it seems like there's nothing to show for it. Patience has never been my strong point, but I am getting better. I think the key thing to remember is - it's kind of like how people who see you every day, are not going to notice if you lose 3 pounds, 5 pounds... they see you every day. They don't realize you're a little bit smaller than you were 2 weeks ago. Well - you see you every day too. All day. And naked. You aren't necessarily gonna realize your changes by looking in the mirror everyday. You have to give it some time. Compare a photo of yourself now to one from a couple months ago. What I HAVE definitely noticed in the mirror is the shrinking of my muffin top - and that's a big deal. That is one of my toughest areas and I can absolutely tell it's getting smaller. I don't have quite as huge a bulge overtop of my pants as I used to. And it's not quite such a strategic maneuver to get my shirt to sit in just such a way - so there isn't a huge bulge. Much less belt and shirt maneuvering lately - so that's huge. I'm still in an epic battle with my thighs and I can tell they'll be the last to go. It's already bad enough that they are one entire pant size larger (proportionally) than my waist, they also just don't wanna seem to slim down. As soon as I can lose an inch there - it starts creepin back up. I haven't quite figured out how to lose the inches there and keep 'em off, but I'm certainly working on it.

So I'm coming into the home stretch of P90X. I'm done phases 1 and 2 and phase 3 starts on Saturday. It's 5 weeks long. I'm feeling pretty good about where I am at the moment - I have some steady weight loss and I'm hoping that continues. I'm going to be on a really strict eating regimen for the last phase, which I'll post on my actual blog (which also updates here) in hopes that will really kick my body into high fat-burning mode. Stay tuned - the best is yet to come :)

Week 7 - I actually missed the gym?

Yeah, that's right - I said it. I forgot how much I liked working out at the gym until I made my triumphant return this week. I'm still doing my P90X at home workouts, but I doulbe some days up with cardio on the treadmill and elliptical. And kickboxing classes which apperently still kickbox my butt. I REALLY need to work on my cardiovascular endurance.

Well, I'm another pound down this week. Woohoo! Foks, I gotta tell you - while I think I've been at this number on the scale before, it's never been with this body. So I am officially the smallest I've been in recent memory, meaning every pound I lose from here on out will continue to make me the smallest I've ever been. I think that's very cool. More importantly - I am only ten pounds away from my goal weight! I mean, I'm sure my goals will change once I hit that goal weight - but just hitting the goal weight that I've had for ten years will be such a huge accomplishment.

I've started my spring cleaning because there's far too much crap in my closet. I love it when stuff I used to wear is too big, it's like "ok, I'm not imagining things, I'm getting smaller". My favorites include the dresses I have that were made specifically for me. Lots of things I have s-t-r-e-t-c-h so they still kind of fit even though I lost weight. They just aren't as tight. But the dresses I've had made for me - they were made to fit my body at the time. How many people can fit into something they wore in the 6th grade? And it's actually too big! I guess most people weren't fatter in the 6th grade than they are as adults. I also love my prom dress from Jr. year which now feels like a tent on me. That's my go-to dress when I'm having a fat day. I think about how I feel in that dress.

Today was my rest day and it's a good thing it snowed. Otherwise I would have had to talk myself out of going to the gym. (Rest and recovery days are super important people. Skipping them will slow down your progress.) The snow cancelled any desire I may have had to leave the house. And I'm still very impatient. I still want the perfect body yesterday. But I'm happy to feel as though I'm making progress. I'm happy to have a routine to stick to again. I'm happy to know that I can crave the hell out of a cupcake - that doesn't mean I've got to eat one. And I'm really happy that I like vegetables because I don't know how people who don't like them stick to clean eating. Seriously. Most of all, I'm happy that I get my cheat meal tomorrow!

Week 6 - Maybe it's Me?

So I'm facing a set-back this week. First off - I can't believe I've been working out and dieting for 6 weeks, with very little to show for it. That being said - for the past 19 days I've been doing an eating clean challenge. At first - it was great. I dropped 3 lbs. which seemed like it was impossible to do without going on the master cleanse. And yes, I've done that before too. I was really excited to finally break through this weight loss plateau! Well, since that 3lb. loss - I've gained another 4lbs. So for those of you who's math skills are as poor as mine, I now weigh one pound more than when I started. Fabulous. And yes - I know that muscle weighs more than fat. But guess what folks - the tape measurer isn't giving me much better results.

I mean c'mon, really? I seriously believe sometimes that my body just wants to be fat. I will sit at the same weight for YEARS at a time without being able to budge. It just doesn't make logical sense to me. How can you eat healthy and work out 6 times a week, most days for twice a day and not lose a single pound in six weeks?! I do not get it. Unfortunately - what choice do I have? I can't just stop trying. That won't get me anywhere. So, I yet again have to figure out something different. It is beyond frustrating. I get so upset that I either want to say "fuck it" and eat everything in sight or I'm too depressed to eat at all. My rebellion today came in the form of saying "screw this challenge" and eating a whole wheat bagel with I can't believe it's not butter for breakfast. Which technically only the faux butter is breaking the rules - and even adding it to my daily food intake, I'm still under the amount of calories I should be eating today. (Seriously people - eating clean allows you a looooot of food, so if you think it's starving yourself, it's not.) I am determined to get into the new pair of skinny jeans I bought by my birthday! That's in May - so I don't want to wait that long. I was hoping to fit them by the end of February, but that's obviously not going to happen. So the new goal is by the end of March.

Sometimes I just feel like "why me? why do I have to work so hard? why do I have to work out twice a day, and watch everything I eat and drink and some people don't have to do ANY of that shit? or they walk on a treadmill for a half hour every other day and drop ten pounds? WTF???$@#*$%@*"

But, I keep going. I will figure something out. I don't know what and I don't know how but I know what I want and I know that I'm going to get it come hell or highwater.


******************************************

So here's a little update on my crazy scale: I weighed in at 6 pounds lighter this morning!!! Like, wtf? That's not physically possible to lose 6 pounds in a day. That mothereffin' scale is just a liar. Whatever. I totally appreciate all of the support people! I know some people don't believe in the scale - but I used it to gauge how my day-to-day eating is, so I'm not getting rid of it. Unless it makes me mad again and I throw it out the window...

Week 5 - "Former Fat Girls, We're Made of Steel. And Splenda."

(quoted from Bride Wars)
One of the toughest things about being super comitted to losing weight is all you have to give up, and the people who don't get it. I can't resist temptation. Seriously - I suck at it. It's much, much easier to just not put the temptation in front of me. So naturally, I don't buy any foods that would be detrimental to my diet. Even if I want a little piece of chocolate, I can't go buy a bag of chocolates because - well, then I've got a bag of temptation. On this same token, sometimes it's easier to stay home and not hang out with friends. What if I get hungry? What if I want a drink? If I just stay home, I can avoid these temptations. It can be lonely going after what you want.

What's even harder is that most people just don't get it. If you have never been TRULY overweight (food babies do not count) then it's hard to understand the level of commitment some people give to losing weight. I'll admit, it sounds crazy. It sounds like I'm going to extremes. I eat from a limited list of foods, workout twice a day and am only allowed to stray from my diet once a week. And currently, I'm not drinking alcohol - though that one won't be lasting long. Sometimes, I have to turn down hanging out if it compromises my workout or my diet. No, I can't skip my workout this time and no, I can't have just one slice of pizza. It seems so harmless - just one workout? Not even a little piece of pizza?!

If it seems like these little detours would be ok, you've obviously never had to lose a great amount of weight. I've lost 50lbs from my heaviest weight. It's hard to remember that sometimes because I've been fighting so hard to get to my goal, I forget how far I've come. But that has taken me ten years. Ten years of dieting and working out, of being hard core and losing focus. Ten years is a long time to work for this people, I wanna be done! And for that to happen, I have to step my game up and focus. I have to have a clean diet and I have to stay faithful to my workout schedule because quite frankly, if I don't lose this weight soon, I'm going to lose my mind!

So far, 3 pounds down on a super focused diet/workout program.

Still Fighting It

I have been overweight my entire life. I was a chubby child, a fat teenager and an even fatter young adult. It bothered me a little bit when I was young, a lot more when I was a teenager, and finally became unacceptable when I hit college. I started working out and dieting. In the begining it was easier. When you first start working out, the weight drops off like "that"! (See: Biggest Loser) It's when you've been doing it for several years and your body adjusts that it gets a little more complicated.

In recent years, it has been next to impossible for me to drop pounds. I would kill myself with cardio at the gym. Hit the gym twice a day, eat minimally and then - only eating fruits, veggies, fish and chicken. All of this and nothing has given me the results I'm looking for. Now, staring down my 30th birthday on the horizon, I refuse to not reach my weight loss goal by that birthday. It's ridiculous and unfair how hard I have to work to acheive what seems to come easier to other people, but those are the breaks. That's just the way it is. My only other option is to stop trying, and I just don't consider that an option. I know I can reach my weight loss goal, I just have to keep going.

I'm currently doing a workout program called P90X. You may have seen the infomercial for it. It's a workout-at-home program that utilizes weights and a push up bar to get you in great shape in 90 days. This is my second time through the program. I did the full 90 days already. I didn't see the results that I wanted, but it is a fitness program and not a weight loss program. For people who have weight to lose, it may take more than one round to see results. It was nice to see that one of the guys in the infomercial actually went through 5 rounds before he got a killer bod. I just really need to see some results soon or I will lose my mind. I don't know what else to do to lose these pounds. They say the last ten to fifteen are the hardest and man they ain't lying.

I'll keep you posted on how this round is going. In addition to the regular workouts, I'm also doing another program from Beach Body (the same company that makes P90X). The other program is Slim in 6, which is supposed to help you slim down in 6 weeks. I also did this program already and lost a few pounds. I'm hoping that combining the two will give me some stellar progress.

Wish me luck ;)

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Week 4 - If My Body Needs Water So Badly, How Come It Doesn't Hold On To Any Of It?

I've been trying to get 8-10 glasses of water a day. Seriously, I have to pee about a million times a day. It's so annoying. And my skin doesn't look any better, but whatever. So, I'm proud to say that all of my meals this week were prepared ahead of time! Yay! No last minute scrambling for me. It seriously made things so much easier. I'm also doing an eating clean challenge that has me stapled to the top two tiers of Michi's ladder. No more little cheats here and there. I am allowed one cheat meal, and I haven't taken it yet. I saved it for saturday, so I've been eating clean alllll week. I know when most people start eating better and drinking water - they comment on how much better they feel! I can't really say I feel that much different on a day to day basis. My body doesn't feel thinner, I don't feel lighter. Aside from having to pee a lot and being super regular, I don't feel too different. Well, I guess that's not entirely true - I have been sleeping better and not feeling as tired when I wake up. Even on the nights I wake up at 3am to pee (and yes that's happened a few times) I still don't feel exhausted when I wake up anymore.
I've also got my motivation back. I mentioned how hard it was before to get on a routine, and I think I've done it this week. Ate clean every day, had my meals prepared before hand, worked out at least once if not twice every day - that's routine baby. And I'm happy to have it back. It's much easier when it's like you don't have a choice. Kind of like a job - whether I want to or not, if I want to pay my bills, I have to go to work. Well, like it or not - if I want certain results with my body, I have to eat right and work out.
I'm still frustrated that all the strength I built up from P90X seems to just have gone away. I had awesome guns at the end of the summer that are currently nowhere to be seen. I could do at least 25 for real push ups with no problem, and now hitting 20 from my knees is a challenge. I guess maintenance is more important than I realized. I miss my arm muscles, they were cool - I'm gettin those suckers back. Phase II of the X starts on Saturday. I'm going back to Classic with a little Slim in 6 thrown in too. I need to conquer that leg workout since I currently epicly suck at it. Onward and upward. Well, downward on the scale hopefully...

Patience

I'm super frustrated to realize that I currently weigh the same as I did before I started P90X. I remember running every day this summer in addition to my X workouts. How in the hell am I still having weight problems? What's it gonna freekin' take? I can't believe that this many years later I'm still having to work this hard to drop pounds. I can't believe I'm not at my goal already. Frankly, this is bullshit! I'm on day 3 of this Michi's top tier challenge. It's just so depressing being obsessed over calorie intake. Am I taking in enough? Too much? Am I working out hard enough? Am I doing the right workout? There's so many freaking questions and honestly - with the work I've put in, I ought to have seen better results by now. It all just feels so completely unfair.

Week 3 - I thought I was tired of Tony Horton, but Debbie Siebers is an evil mastermind

So I'm definitely starting to feel like all this working out might start working for me again. I've added in an additional cardio workout on some days along with doing P90X lean. It's another program called Slim in 6. For some reason, I always think that the Si6 workout won't be as hard as the X one. Perhaps because the X is so heavily emphasized as one of the hardest workouts, it seems like anything else would be a cake walk. And Debbie Siebers with her cute little body and big, welcoming smile and moves that look pretty easy - well, she can't be that bad, right? I don't know how I always manage to forget just how much cardio those workouts are. They LOOK easy. It doesn't seem that my heart-rate should be as high for the moves that seem so simple, but in reality - she's kicking my ass. And my sides. And my abs. As is evident from the body soreness that follows in the days after. I like the soreness - because it means I actually worked hard, but in the moment - I kind of want to punch her in her smiling face.

My diet is gradually getting better and better. I've had my meals prepared ahead of time all week long. There's just a couple more things that I need to filter out, which will happen as I run out of supply of them. My struggle this week (and always) is looking at other people's results and being insanely jealous. Why can't I be where they are right now? Well, it takes time. It sucks, but that's just the way it is. People with rockin' bodies didn't get them in 4 weeks. You have to get there by several months and maybe years of commitment to a goal and focus on getting it. I didn't go from eating fatty and fast foods often to eating high fiber, low calorie stuff in one day. I used to be able to down a 20-piece chicken Mcnugget and a large fry in one sitting, no joke. Now - a six piece and medium fry would be plenty. It took steps to get to this point. So I'm still taking the steps it will take to get me to the next level in my fitness. So you can't beat yourself up if you missed a workout, or if you allowed yourself that hamburger. My diet is not going to be 100% perfect as of tomorrow - but it's definitely something I can keep working on as I push toward my goal.

Week 2 - If this were my job, I'd be both rich and skinny by now

Well, my goal for week 2 was an epic fail. I did not have all my meals prepared the night before which led to me scrambling in the morning to quickly throw together something suitable for breakfast and lunch. I'm going to have to work on that.
As far as working out everyday...well, almost but not quite. Technically, friday should be my rest or stretch day. This week - I was just not feeling wednesday. Could not motivate myself to do anything at all, so I agreed with myself to take it as a rest day, finish the workouts on thursday and friday and just start the next week on saturday. In essence - I moved my rest day up. Well, thursday rolled around and - bam - severe pain in my lower, right back. If anyone has ever had a kidney infection (I have) it felt EXACTLY like that. And since I had been battling symptoms of a urinary tract inection all week, a kidney infection would've made a lot of sense. Now - I do not have insurance and thusly avoid going to the doctor at all costs. This incapacitating pain had me laying in bed on my left side and chugging water and cranberry juice like there was no tomorrow.
So - happily - I am feeling much better today. I don't know what that was but I think if it was an actual kidney infection, the pain would not have gone away so quickly. I am putting aside the fact that I missed two days in a row of working out and drank my own body weight in high calorie cranberry juice. It was 100% juice, which is good - but that does not negate the fact that juices are high in sugar. Albeit natural sugar, but sugar none-the-less. But sometimes ish happens, and I'd honestly rather not lose a pound this week than land myself in the hospital with a ginormous bill.
I saw the new informercial for P90X this morning. These infomercials serve both to piss me off and motivate me. How come all those people got their results in 90 days? How come I have to do round two to look halfway as good? WHY HAVE I BEEN DIETING AND WORKING OUT FOR TEN YEARS AND AM STILL NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE?!>!@*#^&#$((@??? So yes, it's very frustrating. But I will keep trucking on and trying harder. The goal for the upcoming week: 100% clean eating on weekdays and putting more energy into my workouts. I know from experience that the weight loss is truly gonna come from my diet, so I need to get that ish together barring any unforseen organ infections next week.
It's always hard for me to realize how much I have done. I'm wearing a pair of old pants today that have gotten too big just so that I'm in something loose and not irritating my bladder, kidney or anything else that has been given me trouble. They are seriously loose, large and unflattering - but comfortable. Next best thing to sweatpants for a workday. It should make me happy that these pants that once fit, are now practically falling off of me - but all I can think is that I'm exaggerating my progress. "Did these pants ever fit? Or where they big when I bought them?" I don't think I'll be happy until I'm like Jared from Subway and put old pants on and they fall down to my ankles.
I'm so jealous of famous people like Beyonce and Britney who get paid to be fit. It's structured into their work day. I wish I got paid to just work out and look good. That'd be sweet!

Week 1 Back On The Workout Wagon: I Sincerely Don't Want To Do This

So, after several false starts - I've finally managed to get through a full week (well almost - full week tomorrow) of my 2nd round of P90X. I realize now how much easier it is to do this when you just stick with a routine. When I had my workout & diet routine going - it was a lot easier to stick with it and not cheat. Going off of it and trying to get back on - not so easy. So for this first week, I eased my way back into it. It's always so tempting to go full throttle right away. "I'm gonna have a perfect diet! I'm gonna work out every day, twice! I'm not gonna cheat ever!" These are all great goals, but going straight into all of this at once can be overwhelming. I thought since I had done all of these things before, I should be able to fall right back into it. Wrong. It's almost as though I'm starting from scratch. So, while I am mostly back to my diet of eating from the top two tiers of Michi's ladder - I did allow myself a few cheats this week. My main goal for this week was - do a workout everyday. Every other day - I was fine, but those days in between... I laid in my bed or huddled on the couch, freezing and complaining to myself: I sincerely do not want to work out right now. However - the goal this week was a workout a day, so I would just somehow convince myself to get up. What worked the best for this week was the thought that once I started working out, I wouldn't be freezing anymore.

I also bought a new pair of jeans that are too small. For as long as I can remember, I've had clothes lying around that I purchased becaused I liked them - but they didn't have my size, or I figured I'd be able to squeeze into them eventually. Well, as of Novermber - I fit into all of those clothes. I think that's part of why I lost some motivation. Now, with a shiny new pair of Lucky Brand Jeans hanging in my closet just staring me down everyday - it's a little bit easier to get up and do cardio, or resist that piece of chocolate cake.

Each week, I'll set a new goal and carry over all of the goals from the previous weeks. I think next week's goal will be having all of my meals prepared the night before work - so I don't have to worry about buying breakfast or lunch. I am not a morning person in the slightest, so I really have to have breakfast and lunch ready to go the night before. Because given the choice between more sleep and fixing breakfast - I will always choose sleep.

It still feels unfair that I've come so far and yet still have so far to go. Especially when some people are just born thin. I mean wtf is that? That's the way it goes, I guess :-/