The Winter Blahs: Fighting Back

It's very easy to get down in the dumps in the winter time. In addition to whatever life problems may be weighing you down, add to that the bitter cold and dreary weather and God forbid - SNOW and in no time at all, all meaning and purpose in life seems gone.

Ok, that may be a bit extreme, but I definitely get more easily bummed out when the weather is dismal than  I do in the bright and shiny summery sunshine rays. Or the bright and shiny rays of the West Coast. *sigh, someday* All I want to do is stay and my nice, warm, comfy, cozy bed and press the "off" button on real life and responsibilities. Unfortunately, that's just not an option.

So what's a girl to do, eh? Here are just a few of the ways I shake off the winter (or any kind of) blahs.

1) Put Some Pep In Your Step

Not everyone is a caffeine addict, but everyone likes some kind of warm beverage. One of the best things to do when you're cold - ingest some delicious warmth! Weather it be coffee, tea, hot chocolate or you favorite latte, sipping on something delicious and warm can definitely be a great tool to help you face the day ahead. 

2) Get Glammed Up

Even if you don't make a big fuss of what you look like on a day to day basis, I'm sure you still have some go-to pieces that make you feel like a rock star. When I'm at home, I like to just be comfortable. But when I go out, I like to look good! When I take the time to do my hair and makeup and put on a cute outfit, inevitably I feel better about myself and life in general throughout the day. For you, this could mean wearing your comfiest pants, showing off your snazzy new spectacles or throwing on some lip gloss just for the hell of it. Whatever - if it makes you feel good, do it! 

3) Don't Focus on Your Problems, Focus on Solutions

If you have something specific that's causing your mood to be gloomy, it's natural to put a lot of brainpower to it. Instead of feeling bummed about whatever the issue is, try to brainstorm ways to fix or at least work on the issue. Focusing on the problem itself isn't going to help anything and will only make you feel bummed out longer. Working towards a solution, even if it's only in your head for now will bring about a better mindset, a better mood and will help you take action towards solving your problem. 

4) If All Else Fails, Pretend

You've heard the term "fake it til you make it." Well, that holds true here as well. You don't have to pretend you're the happiest person on the planet. And you don't have to lie and tell people you're doing great when you're not. But even if you don't feel like getting glammed up or being super positive, just don't wallow constantly in gloom. This doesn't mean you can't take some time for yourself to just feel what you feel - but don't stay there. Don't live in the dreary parts of your feelings. 

These are my go-to tips for fighting the winter blahs. What are your suggestions?

xoxo, 

Sweet C

Talk Yourself Into It

      Yesterday was a bad day. You know how some days your life feels like a country song? Not one of the adorable ones where some hot stud wants to make you feel "Wanted", but one where everyone including your dog has left you and life in general seems to be imploding on you? That was yesterday. Needless to say, at the culmination of all of such events, the last thing I felt like doing was working out. And I almost didn't.

     It's very easy to give yourself a pass when you're having a crap day. When you're choking back tears from all the various BS you're dealing with, it's not usually something you want to deal with in a public place. The thing is, I already had my workout scheduled into my day. I was wearing my workout clothes, it was next on the agenda and the gym was right down the street. I would have had to deliberately DRIVE PAST the gym to get home. And believe me, I wanted to. I almost did. I started taking a different route home telling myself that it was ok to skip today because seeing as how my life sucked, it was totally acceptable to go home and cry for a million years instead of working out. I was approaching the last turn that would have put me on the road to the gym. I was not in the turning lane. The light was red in the straight lane and green in the turning lane. The turning lane (next to me) was empty.

And I had a moment.

     Yes, today (and this month) in general are pretty horrendous for me. However, one of my goals in my bigger plan is to achieve a certain body aesthetic that I haven't yet reached. It is very possible, but I keep sabotaging myself. I workout, but haven't been as consistent as necessary. I eat pretty healthy...some of the time, but have also been a little more lax in that area than I need to be to achieve results. Yes, there are times when your workout is not the end-all-be-all to your day - but if every time my life isn't going right I use it as an excuse to skip the gym, I will never see the inside of a gym again.

     In a split second decision, I moved into the turning lane (I looked first!) and headed to the gym. I told myself that I could sit in the parking lot until I was ready to go in, and if I still wasn't feeling it - I could just drive home. I sat in the parking lot and thumbed through my ipod for what I wanted to listen to while I made the decision to stay or go. I chose one of my favorite motivational phrases that happens to be from a song. The song is from a musical from which I get my namesake: Sweet Charity. It's called "I'm The Bravest Individual". Without getting into crazy detail, the reason I like Charity is because no matter how bad things get for her and no matter how poorly she's treated by people she is a genuine sweetheart to, she believes that at any moment, things can turn around. If not today, then there's always tomorrow. And when you get to the end of your rope or when you're really scared, just tell yourself that you're the bravest individual you know. You'll calm down and be able to face whatever is coming at you.

She's the bravest individual she has ever met.

    After crying all the frustration that I had out while listening to the song in the car. I wiped my eyes, sucked it up and went into the gym and completed my workout. Because in the grand scheme of things, if I don't do all I can to accomplish my fitness goals - that will just end up something else that adds to the list of "things that suck right now." I have some degree of control over this specific situation, which is not the case for other things on the afore mentioned list. It's up to me to do all I can in this area.

   The takeaway is this: Even when it's hard, do it. Unless it's impossible, do it. If you don't feel like doing it, start doing it anyway and give yourself the option to stop or continue. Your ultimate success lies with you and whether you decided to suck it up and do it or to go home and cry.

xoxo,
 SweetC

You're Allowed To Feel Good About Yourself For No Reason At All

        It's funny that I always seem to have my "skinny days" on the days leading up to that time of the month. You know a skinny day - when for no particular reason at all, you are just feeling like "hey, maybe I'm not such a whale after all!" Well, I noticed something interesting on my most recent "skinny day." I walked past a mirror (not even a skinny mirror) and thought "Wow, I look better than I expected considering I ate oreo ice cream last night. Wonder if I'm actually losing weight or if I just dressed well today. I should get on the scale to see...."

        Seriously people? Am I the only one? I know I'm not. WTF is wrong with us? Honestly, re-read that situation and really take a moment to think about the nonsense thinking that can happen inside our heads. I looked in the mirror, I felt good about what I saw - but somehow needed to validate that I was allowed to feel that way by backing it up with proof. It wasn't enough to just feel great about myself. Nope. Only allowed to feel good if you actually lost a pound! Not to mention that I was probably heavier than normal due to my impending menstruation. Most likely bloated too. However, I clearly didn't FEEL that way at that moment. I felt great! So why was my first thought that I HAD to verify that by checking the facts?

       It is so easy to make getting fit a numbers game. Counting calories, measuring inches, pounds on the scale... these are all important aspects, but why are they the end all be all? News flash: they aren't. Having a skinny day and feeling great about yourself is an awesome accomplishment in and of itself. It doesn't need to be proven by numbers on a scale or a tape measure. I am learning now to appreciate my "skinny days" and just be happy that I'm in a place where I feel good about myself more often than I feel like a whale. And no, I don't need anything outside of myself to validate that feeling - and neither do you.

xoxo,
 Sweet C

Bubble Girl

I function in a bubble. I have a set routine that makes it easy to stick to eating clean and working out because I do things the same way all the time. I have set hours that I'm at work, based around those hours - I have set meal times and a set time to work out. I go food shopping on the same day of the week every week and I prep my meals on the weekends. Organization and routine is basically what I thrive on and I get extremely upset when that routine is disturbed. I am as far from spontaneous as you can get. In fact, most of my friends know that when they want me to hang out or do something with them - I need a minimum of a week's notice. I need to be able to put it in my schedule and still plan around it. And if they think I'm going out every single weekend, that's just not happening. I actually get a lot of things done on the weekends and I just can't spend each one doing things that aren't in line with my goals and priorities. Eating out and drinking every weekend when you're trying to lose weight and save money is just not a smart move.

Well, this weekend was one of my few-and-far-between outings. A friend of mine will be moving to another country soon and she had her going away party about 3 hours away from where I live. This meant it would be an overnight excursion and a definite change in my routine. When I plan these events into my schedule - I place them in as a planned cheat meal. Since I only do it about once a month, I don't feel bad about letting loose with friends. So, at least that part's taken care of. But, I also realized a few things.

I don't particularly care what people have to say about how I look or dress. Most days, I'm in workout gear because it's easier to have it on and ready for my workouts. But after my workout was done and I was ready to head out, I wondered for a moment if I was appropriately dressed for the public. Once again - not that I care, but there are so few times that I'm actually going out to socialize with people - it felt very strange to get dressed not for an event, and not for working out - but just to go see people that I knew. I wore leggings, a tank top and boots. An overall very form fitting ensemble. I was actually really proud of how I looked because a few years ago, there was no way that this is how this particular ensemble would have looked on me.

And suddenly it dawned on me - THIS was what all the work I'd been doing in my bubble was for. This is why I spend so much of my time sticking to my routine and working hard. So that on the occasions where I DO come out of my bubble - I can feel this happy and confident about all I've done. So I can wear what I want and feel good about it. So I can have some drinks with friends and going away party cake and not beat myself up for it. THIS is the reason for the bubble.

It kind of helped me remember to not get too wrapped up in this weight loss thing. If you put too much focus on it, it will make you crazy. I mean, what's the point in doing all this work if you don't get to show it off? It's fun coming out of the bubble once in a while, so long as you don't let it completely derail your progress. I definitely indulged more than I should have this weekend, and perhaps that's because I'm not out of my bubble often enough. But that's something I can learn from and work on. I'm back on track now, so once again - it's no reason to freak out. This journey is all about living and learning and trying - not being perfect.

Weight Loss Transformation Video!

So, I already told you that I reached my goal weight. Well, I promised myself that I would do my first transformation video once I made that weight. So - here it is!

Confetti and Balloons Please!

I can't believe it! I really can't! I did it! This is the most surreal moment I've ever had! I can't stop using exclamation points!!!

I REACHED MY GOAL WEIGHT!



Confetti :)



Goal: the weight that I started this journey trying to reach. The number that I chose in my head when I was 18 years old. The battle that I have been fighting for the past 11 years. I have finally won! When I first set out

My Thoughts On The Scale

I am quickly realizing that diet and weight loss can make you crazy. I know this about myself, but apparently it is universally true. At least I don't feel so alone. My paranoia is not mine alone. Now that I recognize that I have the problem, I am able to work on it. I am happy to say that I am no longer a slave to my scale. Yes, I still use it and I still weigh in - but I do not freak out when it doesn't do what I want.

I have read soooo many posts by people whose focus is entirely on the scale. So much so, that they miss the ENTIRE point of what they're doing, which was to drop some pant sizes. Unfortunately, the scale is the most widely accepted unit of measurement for weight loss. And I suppose that has something to do with the fact that what we refer to as wanting to get in better shape is "weight loss" as opposed to saying that we want to "get fit" or "get in shape." The truth of the matter is - getting fit does not always equal losing weight. At a certain point, getting fit could equal gaining weight. It depends on what you're doing, how you're doing it and what your ultimate goal is.

It is absolutely bonkers to me that some people are losing inches, feeling better, looking better and their clothes are starting to fall of of them - yet ALL they care about are the numbers on the scale. Do you know how crazy that sounds?! So, let me get this straight - your body is getting smaller, your clothes are getting too big, your muscles are getting defined, but you're upset because if someone tried to physically pick you up right now - you wouldn't be as "light" as you wanted to be?

That.Is.Crazy.

What if the scale didn't exist? What if it wasn't the most widely recognized unit of measurement for weight loss progress? What if the tape measure was the only progress indicator you had aside from what you could see in the mirror and feel in your clothes? How important would your physical mass be then? I understand that we all want to be smaller in numbers on the scale, but seriously? You can't ignore all the other signs of your progress and bank it ALL on three numbers that have less to do with your progress and more to do with whether or not you're bloated that day.

If you are trying to get fit, having a scale is kind of like having chocolate around. If you can handle having chocolate around you without feeling the need to consume it all the time - then you're ok. If you do consume it a little more than you should, but you're ok with dealing with those consequences - then fine. But if having chocolate around you means you'll devour it and then feel completely horrible afterwards, then DON'T have chocolate around you!
Same with your scale.
If you can keep your scale, but use it only as one of many indicators of your progress - ok. If you use it out of curiosity but don't freak out every time you look at it - great. If you're so consumed with the number it gives you that you truly don't recognize losing inches as more quantifiable progress than losing pounds - it's time for you to put the scale away. Or be put in a crazy house.

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Maybe It's All In My Head

(original post date:April 21, 2010)

So I've been wondering if all of my weight loss progress is all in my head. Maybe I wasn't that big to begin with? Maybe I haven't lost as much weight as I thought? Do I have body dysmorphia? Because I can still see where there's a lot of work to be done, yet other people keep telling me I'm small. I look at pictures and I can definitely see progress, but I still see what I need to work on. Is all the progress I'm seeing in my head too?

My friend was telling me a story about being at a ball game and seeing a girl there with her muffin top on full display. She was wearing jeans that were too tight, and a cropped shirt, literally putting her muffin top on display. The thought of this horrified me. I have never, ever been one to let my stomach show when it shouldn't. Even when you have a shirt that's a little short and your belly pokes out a little bit - that drives me crazy if you're not fit enough to get away with it. My jeans are (were) always strategically placed so as to avoid any muffin toppage. And since I was young - I've sucked my stomach in when in public. Always. It's to the point that I don't even realize I'm doing it. When I try to take true measurements, I have to make an effort to be sure I'm NOT sucking in. Anytime there is fabric touching my stomach, my reflex is to suck my stomach in. I figure that's why I'm so good at doing ab exercises - my life is one big ab-crunch.

So it occurred to me, maybe it's not that I have a lack of progress - it's that I've hidden what my true body looks like for so long - people can't tell the difference! Now - I don't have to strategically place my jeans because my muffin top is no where near as noticeable. I can just let my waistband sit where it may. But you wouldn't know that unless you're me. I hid the muffin top before so you didn't know it was there. Now I'm not hiding, cuz it's not there - but how would you know the difference? It's the same way that people keep telling me I don't need breast implants. That's because what you see daily as a full B cup is really an elaborate set up of me double-padded-bra-ing under every outfit I wear. It would be nice to not have to put on a show in that arena anymore too.

I think because so much of my life is focused on weight loss, it seems strange to me that other people don't seem to notice. But most of these people - I see every day. They may not necessarily notice because they see me day-to-day as opposed to seeing just my start and end results. I think people also get a set picture of you in their head and then believe that that is how you SHOULD look (unless you're morbidly obese). I have people telling me all the time that if I get any smaller, I wouldn't look right. That sounds completely ridiculous to me! It's not like I'm at Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Ritchie status. Being too thin because you don't eat is not the same as being so fit that you have a low body fat percentage. Personally - I think I'd look kick-ass at a size 2, though that is not my goal. I don't care what size I am so long as the body fat issue is under control. I could go on and on about this particular subject, and I will...in another blog.

I think the point is that change is gradual. And for those who see it as it's happening, they tend to forget where you started and only remember what they've seen recently. Unless it's someone whose close to you - like family. They tend to remember only where you started and compare you to that constantly. So, to them you may be "too thin" simply because they're used to you being so fat. I'm glad I know what my goal is. I know what I'm doing, what I'm doing it for and what I want the end result to be. I notice my progress and I appreciate the changes and really - that's all that matters.

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Personal Best!

I did not feel like working out tonight. I felt tired and stressed and bloated and I really just wanted to curl up in bed and watch TV. So I hemmed and hawed and procrastinated, but I finally got my butt out the door and to the gym.

I've been working on improving my cardio-vascular endurance. It's one of my weaker points and I'm especially trying to prep to start Insanity. There's a couple ways to work on your endurance - the method I'm going with is just trying to jog/run for long periods of time without breaks. I remember the first time I managed a 15 minute jog without stopping. At the time, it was the longest I'd gone actally jogging and not stopping and it was AWESOME. More recently, I've been able to get up to 25 and 30 minutes of continuous jogging with no breaks. Improvement is happening.

So tonight, I figured I'd just do a half hour on the treadmill and then a half on the elliptical. The elliptical is way easier and I don't count it towards endurance because it's too easy to vary speed. I do ten minutes of walking on an incline as a warm-up, then bring the incline down to 2.0 and jog at around 5.0 speed, increasing by 0.1 every 5 minutes. The last 5 minutes I go up by 0.2 every minute so I end with a "kick". Knowing I was doing less than my usual 45 minutes - I started the jog at 5.3. By the time I hit 29 minutes and 5.6 speed, I felt really good. I decided to keep going and upped the time to 45 minutes. Well, at 44 minutes and 5.9 speed, I thought "How awesome would it be if I could make it to 60?" So that's what I did. At 45 minutes, I upped the speed to 6.0, at 50 minutes to 6.1, at 55 minutes to 6.2 and knowing that I've done a kick of at least 7.0 before - at 55 minutes I started upping the speed in increments of 0.1 every 30 seconds. In the 59th minute, I upped it every 20 seconds.



I didn't stop or slow down once in the entire hour! I started running at a 5.3 and ended the run at 7.2! This is a new personal best for me. The fastest and longest I've EVER run. And that includes doing the mile run in high school. I'm kind of in shock and disbelief. Like, I don't know if I could do that again. I don't know how I did it in the first place! I'm hoping I can be consistent, and of course get better. So maybe I'll make it past day one of Insanity.

I'm Sorry, But That's A Size What?

I refuse to buy anything in a size large. It's a matter of principal. I was a large for so long, that now I just don't want anything that says "large". But I fully expect to be a medium in most things - unless it's a line of clothing that runs big. There are very few things that I purposely wear loose, it's just not my style. However - in some of the teeny bopper stores that I still shop in (hey, someone thought I was 22 this weekend - so why not) I understand that the clothes are made for a younger demographic and tend to run a little smaller.

So, needless to say I went shopping this weekend. A very dangerous field for me since I have little self control. I wanted to find some sweatshirts to wear to and from the gym. I have some now - but they're like sweatshirts I actually like to wear for fashion and I don't want them forever smelling like sweat, as will happen with any gym clothes. I managed to resist buying any new jeans at Lucky Brand, which believe me - is not easy. I was able to remind myself that I don't want/need any more jeans at my current size. I really have plenty that fit me now, I want some that will fit new me. Size 4 me. Well, Lucky Brand size 4 anyway - which is basically a real size 6.

But I digress.

To get to the point, I bought a couple sweatshirts and a shirt-dress. Shirts = size XS. Shirt-dress - size small. My gut reaction when I fit clothing that small is to think - it must run big. I can't be an actual small or x-small in clothes designed for teenagers. No one with hips, thighs and a butt this large could truly be a small. But, here it is....





It makes me wonder how other people see me. I suppose I could have a case of body dysmorphia. I look in the mirror and only see what needs fixing, as opposed to what looks good. I'm still a little disbelieving. A couple size smalls does not a small girl make. But it could make a small girl in the making.

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Week 9 - Look at Yourself Through Someone Else's Eyes

I am the epitome of "Do as I say, not as I do". I am great at dishing out advice that I know I should follow too, but I'm not always good at it. Granted - I do usually have reason. I can mostly give good advice because I've been there, done that. While it does also apply to me, I've also been following said advice for much longer and have been waiting much longer for a result that usually comes quicker to most people.

I am very frustrated with my weight loss progress in general. I'm not talking about since I started this weekly blog, I mean since I started losing weight at age 18. I see other people's pictures and see what they look like after 90 days on P90X, and quite frankly it pisses me off. Here's this person who has neglected their body and in 90 days they get abs? In 90 days?! I've been working out for over ten years AND have done 150 days of that same program and got no where close to the results they got. W.T.F.?!! I honestly don't get it. My argument is not that change isn't happening, my argument is that it is happening far too slowly when you look at what I'm doing to reach my goal and the changes I've made. I'm basically doing all I can: really clean eating, calorie consideration, double workouts, working out 6 days a week, supplements...I don't know what else I can do. Except wait. That seems to be the only thing left to do is just wait for something to start working. Why does it take me literally 3x as long to reach the same result as someone who has not put in nearly as much effort? I really don't know, but I am working on figuring it out.

One day this week, I was feeling particularly bummed. I looked at the 90 day transformation of a woman who started bigger than me and ended with defined, awesome abs. In 90 days. It was so upsetting to see it happen for someone else, and not me. I had put in the work, I didn't skip workouts, I followed the diet - why didn't my results look like that? Had I made any progress at all? Losing 1/2 a pant size in 150 days isn't good enough for me. I'm sorry, but that's just too much damn effort for 1/2 pant size. I went over to my friend's house to work on dance choreography. He has a wall of mirrors in his basement that we use to dance in front of. I've been to his house many, many times over the years. He told me I looked smaller, but I didn't so much believe him. I mean - he has no reason to lie, but still -he's my friend. Since he's smaller than me, I had commented once that if I could ever fit his skinny jeans - I'd know I was on my way. He told me I should try them on again and the last thing I wanted to do was squeeze myself into this skinny boy's jeans and feel like even more of a fat ass, but I relented. And wouldn't you know....

They fit. I was pleasantly surprised. We went downstairs to dance and I even looked skinnier in his mirror than I had last time I was there. It was probably just that little boost - a small thing like him saying he could tell I was smaller and me fitting into those jeans, and all of the sudden I looked skinnier to myself.

I try to tell people all the time that we ourselves are so used to seeing our own bodies, that it's tough to tell when change has happened. We see ourselves daily so the day-to-day change is undetectable thus making it hard to tell when bigger change has happened. I still don't love my progress pics. I still don't love that it's taken me two rounds of P90X and will take ???? rounds of Insanity for me to see the results I want. I really don't love that other people can do it with less time and less effort. But that is life. At least change is happening. At least I don't have thyroid issues, or a debilitating disease, or a disability. Yes, it sucks that this process is taking so freaking long - but it could certainly be worse.