Friday, February 19, 2010

Week 6 - Maybe it's Me?

So I'm facing a set-back this week. First off - I can't believe I've been working out and dieting for 6 weeks, with very little to show for it. That being said - for the past 19 days I've been doing an eating clean challenge. At first - it was great. I dropped 3 lbs. which seemed like it was impossible to do without going on the master cleanse. And yes, I've done that before too. I was really excited to finally break through this weight loss plateau! Well, since that 3lb. loss - I've gained another 4lbs. So for those of you who's math skills are as poor as mine, I now weigh one pound more than when I started. Fabulous. And yes - I know that muscle weighs more than fat. But guess what folks - the tape measurer isn't giving me much better results.

I mean c'mon, really? I seriously believe sometimes that my body just wants to be fat. I will sit at the same weight for YEARS at a time without being able to budge. It just doesn't make logical sense to me. How can you eat healthy and work out 6 times a week, most days for twice a day and not lose a single pound in six weeks?! I do not get it. Unfortunately - what choice do I have? I can't just stop trying. That won't get me anywhere. So, I yet again have to figure out something different. It is beyond frustrating. I get so upset that I either want to say "fuck it" and eat everything in sight or I'm too depressed to eat at all. My rebellion today came in the form of saying "screw this challenge" and eating a whole wheat bagel with I can't believe it's not butter for breakfast. Which technically only the faux butter is breaking the rules - and even adding it to my daily food intake, I'm still under the amount of calories I should be eating today. (Seriously people - eating clean allows you a looooot of food, so if you think it's starving yourself, it's not.) I am determined to get into the new pair of skinny jeans I bought by my birthday! That's in May - so I don't want to wait that long. I was hoping to fit them by the end of February, but that's obviously not going to happen. So the new goal is by the end of March.

Sometimes I just feel like "why me? why do I have to work so hard? why do I have to work out twice a day, and watch everything I eat and drink and some people don't have to do ANY of that shit? or they walk on a treadmill for a half hour every other day and drop ten pounds? WTF???$@#*$%@*"

But, I keep going. I will figure something out. I don't know what and I don't know how but I know what I want and I know that I'm going to get it come hell or highwater.


So here's a little update on my crazy scale: I weighed in at 6 pounds lighter this morning!!! Like, wtf? That's not physically possible to lose 6 pounds in a day. That mothereffin' scale is just a liar. Whatever. I totally appreciate all of the support people! I know some people don't believe in the scale - but I used it to gauge how my day-to-day eating is, so I'm not getting rid of it. Unless it makes me mad again and I throw it out the window...

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